Week Twelve - Final Paid Week!!
(Technically the paid period goes until 13.1, but we're running with the odds that there won't be any earth-shattering matches on that day.)
(Though with my luck, there will be, and I'll have no way to communicate with him.)
12.1 Drumroll, please! No matches. No communications.
*tumbleweed*
*crickets*
*awkward faces*
Right, sooooo.... How about that local sports team, eh? (Who won last night - western finals here we come! Go Stamps Go!)
Running Total on Paid Site:
65 Open (Because I'm too lazy to go through and close em all)
13 Communicating (though none actually are...)
149 Closed
Was it worth the money? I'm thinkin.... 13 (though really 0) divided by 227... carry the one, round up to the next thousandth, divide into even the significantly reduced price I paid... and... NO.
On the free site... continuing to speak with one Awesome, and one Nice Guy. Haven't written back to the jackass. And then there's one that my response is somewhere between ".... Wait, what?" and "Durrrrrrrr." Because, see, his first message to me was a complaint (directed to the airline) about the last flight he was on.
...
...
...
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Well, then.
Also, he's (ahem) "quite a bit older" than I am, apparently has an awkward-but-not-necessarily-in-a-good-way sense of humour, and his profile picture is yet another webcam photo. But a webcam photo with another computer or two in the background. Not a work environment, though. He just has two or three computers on the go at any given time.
I can't handle having two or three conversations on the go at the same time, let alone two or three MMORPGs. (You like RPGs? These are bigger, badder, faster, better!! Lose yourself in a new world all your own, along with millions of others doing the exact same thing at the exact same time.)
Oh, and another one that I am just not hot enough for. I mean, that's what he says, anyways. I think he's just trying to be nice about it. You know, not hurt my feelings or make me think he's a twat focused on the physical and solely looking for a hook-up - that kind of nice guy. But hey, that's his prerogative. I've said it before, physical attraction is important, so I can't really fault him too much for coming right out and saying it, right?
Meh. I'd rather know upfront that having to look at me would be a burden too heavy to bear. As opposed to finding out a little way into it when there's the possibility of actual feelings being involved.
Nope, I quite enjoy the Awesome. Well-read, intellectual, fun, professional, attractive. After the paid site, well... I was beginning to wonder if men like that existed anymore.
Anyways, sent Awesome a message to see if he wants to grab coffee Friday. You know how long it's been since there's been even the tiniest amount of possibility of hanging out with someone I'm interested in? So long that I actually feel a little bit nauseous about it.
12.2 No matches. I clutch at my chest as the surprise threatens to undo the very fabric of my being and cause my heart to implode.
Heard from Nice Guy on the free site. I am a little bit torn on this one. Because he does seem like a Nice Guy, but it also kind of seems... well either forced or sad. As though he feels he has to be nice because that's one of those dating game things - which I am blissfully incapable of - or because he actually is a nice guy, and thinks that nice guys always finish last, so he's sad that he's nice. I can't really tell which at this point.
No word back from Awesome on the free site. If I don't hear back from him by, oh, say Friday, then there'll be awkward faces galore. But right now, not stressing. Still won't be stressing on Friday, just a little disappointed because I do quite enjoy "talking" to him, but I'm looking at it this way - in less than a week on the free site I have "met" and spoken to someone I actually want to meet and get to know better. Whether we will eventually meet up or not is in the air right now. But the interest is there, on my end at least.
And after three months on the paid site, the one that has all the science behind the matching, nothin. One person I chatted with for a few weeks, but aside from him asking me to pack him in my suitcase for my next trip, no talk of getting together. True, he lives a few hours away, but still. Friend material - which is alright by me, as one can never have too many friends - but nothing from him the past few weeks. And while paying to have some science applied to my "dating" scene is one thing, paying to have someone find friends for me is quite another. You know? Nod and agree even if you don't.
Though at the same time, I'd be down with being friends with Awesome - and possibly Nice Guy, but we'll have to see how that goes - because I enjoy him.
Please, higher-power-of-reader's-choice, let him not turn out to be a psycho. Ehm, you know, if he wants to continue the dialogue. (Hrm, no, even if he doesn't want to continue the dialogue, I still hope he's not a psycho)
12.2.1 Sometimes I wonder if one of the matches stumbled across this blog, how would they react? Would they know when I was referring to them? Would they recognize if I didn't mention them at all? Would it hurt their feelings? Would they see something in my reaction that, for whatever reason, strikes a chord with them and maybe gives them an idea about how to change their approach? Or, conversely, that their approach works well on at least one particular type of person? (Namely me, so... someone stupidly shy and more than vaguely ridiculous, and in all other ways really quite average)
Would they understand, if they were someone that I carried on a conversation with for any amount of time, that if I seemed interested - I was, and if I seemed uninterested - I was? That I was genuine in all my responses? That any judgments I may have passed were more reflective of the services used than the people involved? (with the exception of myself - I've stated before that I'm aware this all reflects more on me than on the potential match) Or would they simply focus on the fact that this experience has been detailed on a blog meant for my friends and acquaintances - but technically available for all the world to see?
If any of the matches ever do wander over here, I hope there's no embarrassment or anger. Not just because I can't handle the thought of having someone angry with me, or having hurt someone. But because I wouldn't want to adversely affect any potential happiness the matches have received from these services.
Who am I? I'm nobody. My opinion means - and rightly so - nothing. As I mentioned in the last installment, a friend of mine has had some luck going this route, and I'm genuinely thrilled for her. I'd be thrilled to hear that anyone had some luck going this route. This is simply my tale of an unlucky - so far - few months making this foray.
So, to any previous or current or potential "matches" fuming at my audacity: I am sorry if this has hurt or angered you. That certainly wasn't my intention, which is part of why I've kept uber-private things private, not named names, and selectively edited any communications included in earlier posts. But we all have different ideas of what sort of approach will work - we all put our own spin on that little mating dance. Your spin happened to not do a thing for me.
Or maybe it did, but mine did nothing for you.
Such is life.
I'm not feeling bitter, though. I thought I'd be bitter about the abysmal lack of success... Hrm... So, rather than normal girls and Bitterness, this series should be "Normal Girls and ... Meh." You see what I did there? Change the "h" to an "n" and you get those elusive creatures we've been seeking.
Forgive me. I should drink some coffee now.
Hrm. Checked the paid site, and we have another ten matches that weren't e-mailed to me. Not a one of them within 500 clicks of me.
12.3 Who cares about matches?!?! Tonight I'm going to see Trans-Siberian Orchestra, which has been cause for much *squeee*ing around my house for a few months.
Also, it's my nephew's 13th birthday today.
Also, no matches.
Also, tentatively going for coffee with Awesome on Friday, provided he's able to get away for a bit, and provided he's able to find the place.
12.4 No matches. And the concert was awesome last night. But holy crap, I should have at least taken this morning off. Oh my frickin head.
Couldn't do it - only worked for a half day today. You know when you have a massive headache, and then the headache eases off a bit, but your shoulders and neck are sore from holding your head in a way so as to not jiggle the brain too much? Sure ya do. Don't look at me like that was totally off-topic and irrelevent to this blog.
Also, coffee tomorrow has been confirmed. Numbers have been exchanged. I still have a full day to deal with nerves - goodness I'm a big dork.
Also, checked - just in case there were matches that didn't get emailed. Yes'm. One. Again, not only not within 500 kms of me, but also - conveniently - not in the same country. Handy!
12.5 Are we surprised? No matches.
I woke up in a very positive mood today, which is fairly awesome. Of course, I do have a full day of work ahead of me and all that, but still! Better to start out positive than to start out cranky and go downhill. Though the nerves are a little ridiculous. The problem with being someone who very rarely dates is this: you become someone who very rarely dates. You personify that whole "nervous before every possible meeting" and "oh my gosh what if I make an ass of myself" sort of person. This is, I think we can all agree, oodles of good times.
Yay. No, really. Yay.
Now couple that with being a ridiculous but shy introvert whose mind is always going a mile a minute, and what do you get? The main reason why I occasionally make plans to join a convent.
It's not entirely the aggravation of dealing with the idiocy of certain members of the opposite sex; it's more the aggravation of dealing with my own idiocy and ridiculosity. (Sure, okay, dealing with the idiocy of certain members of the opposite sex is definitely a factor... but roll with me on this one.) I don't like being all giddy and nervous and in a flap over anything - I don't do anything to stop it, but I really don't enjoy it. Especially considering the fact that I am well out of my teens now and in theory ought to have some level of ability to handle the silliness.
Maybe that's the problem I've been having with these dating sites... When it comes to relationships, I'm emotionally stunted at the stage of an eleven-year-old with a crush. What? Men in their late twenties and thirties aren't interested in that?
But that's nonsense!
... yet another e-mail from the current paid site, inviting me to give it a try for free. Seriously. Ridiculous.
One, two, THREE e-mails today from the paid site. Inviting me to try for free.
12.6 Are we shocked? No matches.
I, for one, am shocked and astounded.
Also, had a lovely time last night! It's nice to have someone who actually talks, you know? And we seem to have a lot in common - right down to places we've been hiking. That may not seem like much, but when you live as close to the mountains as I do, you know there are almost an infinite number of hiking areas.
Received a communication from Suitor B - his time on the paid service was up, so he had to wait for a free trial to write back. So we've exchanged e-mails.
12.7 Two matches which of course were not e-mailed to me. Neat.
Both in town, both within the age range - neither with photos, neither with any information on the profile.
SO! The final total (because I will not check again tomorrow):
75 "Open"
14 "Communicating"
152 "Closed"
12 weeks, $60 (total - like I said, I got a big price break), and only really talked to one person. Of 241 people.
But on the other hand - a close friend has met someone who seems awesome (or would seem awesome, I haven't met him yet, but I trust her opinion lol).
Perhaps it's the fact that I'm actually on the free site, and have met someone there who intrigues me, but I'm really not bitter.
Well, maybe a little bitter. I mean... $60 is $60. But I have a feeling that I'll get over that with time. ;)
NEXT WEEK: We go directly into the free site trials, tribulations, and triumphs... If nothing else, it'll be fun.
