Yeah, I changed the layout. You wanna fight about it?
Week Ten
10.1 No matches. I would say that I am shocked, but that would be a foul and shameless lie. Also, no new communications. No new closures.
On the plus side, this cold is kicking my ass slightly less than it was a few days ago.
I lied! I have a match. I counted the words in his answers to all the myriad questions asked on your profile. 37. THIRTY-SEVEN words, no photos. I am neither intrigued nor fascinated.
I went ahead and cancelled my subscription, so when my final month is up (as of November 23), I will no longer be a part of this service. I might take a week or so off, listen to some Tori Amos and Alanis, cry in the bubble bath as I sip my mimosas at eight o'clock in the morning - because of course I'll be too broken up to work - and then jump into one of the free sites.
Because, of course, I am bizarrely resilient and a week is all I'll need to get over my devastation.
Right? RIGHT?!
Who knows? Maybe in the next three weeks, Mr. Right'll come along.
10.2 As of 6:30 am, no matches.
Interesting, though - I have received an "introductory" e-mail from the very site I have been dealing with for the past two months. For this weekend only, I can have free access. ... ... Do you think it might be a good idea to perhaps check the e-mail addresses of those suckers - ehm, I mean users - who are already a part of the site?
Because, you know, I'm definitely going to recommend this service to my friends. I realize it has been only two months and obviously there's not much room for in-depth analysis, but... In two months of hitting up galleries and shows, or essentially going ANYWHERE, chances are better than even that I'd have met someone. Maybe not "THE ONE" but someone, nonetheless. But I work 50 hours a week - not a horrible amount, but enough - and spend my weekends with my family. The online thing was supposed to increase one's chances of finding true love, nay?
I almost managed to type that with a straight face. Almost.
In two months, I had steady communication with one person - with whom there has been no communication for a few weeks now. I didn't even come close to having a match that would bear a face-to-face meeting, with the exception of Suitor B. But Suitor B lives a few hours away, and there was a "friend" spark there more than anything else - also, we haven't communicated for a few weeks.
See? Communication is important. Not necessarily in the "let's spend the first two hours after we both get home talking about our feelings and then we can braid each other's hair and you can paint my toenails and it'll be a perfect relationship because you're the best boyfriend ever EVER" sort of way. But in the "hi. Um, who are you?" sort of way. You know, in the sense that we can't even begin to fathom what - if anything - we have in common if you do not say anything. Criminy. Non-committal grunts aren't even present, because it's online.
I don't need your life story from conception to present, but give me something to work with here.
Especially if you have not posted a photo. If there's no physical attractiveness to catch a match's eye - and I'm not saying these people are unattractive, because I clearly wouldn't know... there being NO PHOTO - and if you have done the cyber version of phoning in your profile... why are you wasting your time? It's not a waste of my time, obviously, because it gives me something to rant about. It also, conveniently, gives me something to second-guess myself about. Because... what if you were the one? What if, had I started communication with you irrespective of the fact that there's no info and no photo on your profile, you had turned out to be exactly what I needed? And, more importantly, I turned out to be what you needed?
Oy.
10.3 Again, no matches... But I did force a match this evening. Has his occupation listed as "Professional." Not really sure where to go with that, but he's a fan of the mountains, so I've requested to start communication.
Nothing from anyone else.
10.4 ... Nothing. So this might be how it is for the remaining time at this site. That would be a pity - I spent the first week, you'll remember, being sort of banned from receiving matches. To spend the final two and a half weeks also with no matches? Considering the resounding lack of action on any of the matches I have received, I think three and a half weeks of nothing on top of that might be overkill.
Almost as though someone has taken my desire to continue the foray into online dating and hanged it, riddled it with birdshot, beheaded it, and thrown it off a craggy cliff into crocodile and shark-infested water.
That kind of overkill...
I even tried to force a match. Nada.
10.4.1 I am addicted to surveys, I think because I am constantly writing, and surveys provide brainless ammunition. Anyways, I went ahead and signed up for a free site that I'll sit on for awhile after I finish with this particular experiment. This free site also - unsurprisingly - has surveys to answer in order to ensure the best possible match.
Excuse me whilst I laugh my derriere off.
Hrm. Yes, so one of the questions on one of the surveys - and in fact, it's a question that is asked on a lot of the "Get to Know Your Friends" type surveys that float around and give me hours of enjoyment - was this:
Would you rather have a best friend or a lover?
Uhm... I'm sorry, when did the two become mutually exclusive? This question bugs me. Of course, being a multiple-choice survey (so not really the sort that I'm big on), I couldn't write in my standard answer. Which is: "When did the two become mutually exclusive?" Yes, answering a question with a question. Wretched of me, I'm sure. Shove off now.
But if anyone can tell me in a sensical way, why a person must select either of those answers rather than BOTH, I will be eternally in your debt. Sure, I'm big on physical attraction and all the juicy trimmings, but I kind of thought that friendship was a given. "Oh, honey, I think you're about the sexiest person ever to walk the planet. But you're a complete and utter jackass and every moment spent in your presence brings me one moment closer to {insert horrible activity here}."
Sure, that's okay if all you're looking for is a physical relationship, but... For anything remotely lasting, can you really survive on just the trimmings? I'm asking, honestly.
Can people do this and be happy? And if so, who are these people? Why are they so fundamentally different than I am?
Heavens, what if that's all there is?
10.5 OH MY GOODNESS HOW EXCITING!!! No matches.
Tried to force a match, and nothin.
10.6 What's this?!?! Three matches!
All of them "self employed" and two - seriously, TWO - with main profile pictures taken on a webcam, with a blue tooth stuck in one ear and a "serious" look.
But I forced four more... Again, nothing intriguing.
10.7 Seven matches today. None had answers longer than a sentence or two for the questions on their profile. None had a fully-filled out profile. All were flexible matches.
Four with no photos.
One in my city.
Six no closer than 200 clicks to my city.
Why, hello, ennui. How vaguely boring of you to show up.
