Normal Girls and Bitterness - Part Four

Day Twenty-Five

No matches.

In fact, let's skip ahead to day Twenty-Seven, which is when the next match arrived.

Day Twenty-Seven

Three matches. None particularly appealing, but none that are terrifying. One requests communication, so we go ahead.

Suitor B is chatting, but mostly it's just info about life and whatnot. You know, normal conversation.

Day Twenty-Eight

No matches, but I'm off to go traveling anyways. So we're okay with this!!

New match who started communicating yesterday informs me that there's something remarkable about me. Interesting...

Days Twenty-Nine through Thirty-One

Of course, since I am visiting my best friend, I show her the process on this whole "relationship site" thing. We take a look at my few new matches and decide there's really no one in them that is painfully exciting. Closed most of them.

Don't communicate with anyone whilst I am visiting, so nothing new on that front.

Day Thirty-Two

No matches, no communications. After a late-night flight in and an early morning at work, I'm okay with this. Quite frankly, at this point, I don't have the mental acuity for breaking down the vagaries of online dating / relationships.

I don't have the mental acuity for finding two socks that match right now.

Day Thirty-Three

Again, no new matches. No communications from any of my case study suitors.

No communications, actually, from anyone. A few "Closed" matches that are, really, causing my heart to break. Not really, but rejection is rejection, right?

When you close a match, you get to select a basic message to explain the why of your decision. I, personally, think that putting "Other" or "I'd rather not say" is just opening up a whole can of worms that can lead to serious self-esteem issues. Why? Because if I receive those messages, that's where my mind goes. Or it would go there... if I were a little more into the whole process.

So when I close a match, I always put "I am pursuing another relationship." This, while untrue, leaves open the possibility that because I'm tied up in this other relationship, I might be overlooking my one true love, correct? You can't take it as an insult or rejection if it's a matter of timing. I am not saying anything about you, and I am not leaving any open-ended comments that may - or may not - lead you to believe that there's any judgement.

And it's true. I generally close the matches that either have no information on their profiles or are just the wrong side of "meh" to not remain on the "meh" list.

Anyways. I have received a few "Other"s, a few "Based on statements made in this person's profile, I am not interested," and a few "I am pursuing another relationship."

The second one stings. *wink*

Day Thirty-Four

Communication from guy who called me remarkable a few days ago.

He doesn't actually live in my city, but that's okay. A member of his family lives here. So, you know, he's happy to have "another reason to visit."

... On the first "Open" communication? Already I am a "reason to visit"? Whoo boy. I am remarkable and all, but mayhaps we should get to know each other before you're planning long weekends.

Oh, yeah, and no new matches.

Day Thirty-Five - Today

Three new matches. Allow me to open them up as I write this...

One - last book read was "Scar Tissue." 37. 5'10". Construction.

Two - Meh. 38. 5'9". Welder. 13 y/o daughter.

Three - Has kids - don't know how many. Enjoys cuddling. 31. 5'11". PCA.

Nothing that has jumped out at me and shaken me to my boots.

Normal Girls and Bitterness - Part 3.2

These are long, hence the early post. Plus, I'll be away this coming weekend, so no guarantees about another post before next week.

Day Twenty-Three

Six matches, a communication from Suitor B. He seems to be a nice guy, very friendly and quite humourous. Not feelin a spark, though. How much of that is due to the fact that I'm not 100% into this service? How much of it is because he's just simply not the sort of person I click with on a romantic level? And, of course, how much of it is because - based on the photos he has posted - I just don't find him physically attractive?

First epiphany (which, really, isn't extremely surprising in the least): It's easier to speak to those people you are not attracted to.

Has taken twenty-three days to reach this epiphany. The odds are good that there may only be two more in this little experiment. If that. Hrmmm... Is it that I know everything already? Is it that I'm so epically slow that an epiphany really does bear waiting for? (Me? I'm leaning towards the latter...)

But when you spend all day surrounded by people who really don't stimulate you in the slightest - intellectually, emotionally, or physically - having the opportunity to simply chat with someone with no strings attached is astounding. T'would be more astounding if there was more than one person to chat with, but there ya have it. Also, there's always the possibility that the person on the other end of the line... errrr... instant message... sees him or herself as the puppet master. Which is a laugh and a half.

Just call me Pinnochio, kids.

*Chair dances like a marionette to the amusement - and confusion - of her coworkers*

Day Twenty-Four

One match.

Now, the website claims that several thousand people join the site every day. Either we are seeing that I have requirements that are just way out there, or that I just don't measure up to potential matches' requirements. Though the commercials and the ads claim that this service is for everybody, I have to wonder... Is it really?

Is online dating really a good outlet for the people who enjoy books and learning, but aren't interested in spending every spare moment debating the various points of Hawking's work? (every now and then, sure... but it's not dinner conversation) For the people who aren't interested in a 24/7, ohmygodwecan'teverbeapart relationship? Well, the second point may work well for some online dating sites, especially if it's a fleeting, physical ohmygodwecan'teverbeapart relationship you're lookin for. Perhaps I should try that sometime, but for this particular site? Not so much...

My dad asked last night if a relationship was even on my priority list. I actually had to think about this, which was a little bit scary. And I came to the conclusion that if, at some point in the future, I meet someone that I just can't live without, I'd be okay with that. If it happens tomorrow and it's one of those "struck by lightning" things, well... slightly less okay with it, but you adjust and change your perspective, I would imagine. If it happens forty years from now and I'm a blushing bride at almost seventy, I'm alright with that.

Sure, the blush may be more because I got my veil stuck in my walker, tripped on my orthotics, and stumbled more than gracefully floated down the aisle, but meh.

...

Whew. Hello left field. I'd apologize for being off topic, but I'm not particularly sorry.

Back to online dating services. Well... It's hard to study a case wherein the subject does not act. Suitor B has gone from being a case of "Alright, I'll talk to this guy to flesh out my online dating service experience without actually "flesh"ing anything out" to "Awww, he's a nice guy. We'd be friends 'IRL' (as the kids say) I think."

*sigh*

My kingdom for a reader.

Running Total:
61 closed
16 communicating
30 "new" - people that aren't closed but aren't communicating either. Kind of the "meh" matches.

Day Twenty-Four and a Half

This deserved it's own entry here.

One match - 31, snubbing supervisor, balding, kind of pudgy, and short, but seems nice enough, right? Okay, remember this. One of the things you do when communicating is send your "Must Haves / Can't Stands." These are two lists of things that are non-negotiable for your partner - things that your partner absolutely "Must Have" or things that you absolutely "Can't Stand" in a partner. Items like fiscal irresponsibility, racism, intolerance, etc.

So the guy sends his lists and the 31-year-old, balding, kind of pudgy, short, nice guy says what is an absolute MUST HAVE for a partner?

"My partner must be someone who is considered "very attractive" by current standards."

Uhm. Okay, I don't think it's impossible, nor do I think it's unlikely that this guy will sweep some gorgeous lady off her feet. I don't know him from Adam, right? But am I so crazy to think that having a partner who is attractive to other people being important to you shouldn't really be one of the first things you're telling potential partners? No pressure, right? Also... really?

Okay, if at all possible, I'm going to say:

"My partner must be ridiculously attractive beyond all imagination. He has to be artistic in some form - music, writing, artwork, woodwork, etc. He has to be tight with his family and want to start one of his own (if he doesn't already have kids, if he does, he has to want to have more). He has to make enough money to be comfortable and to look after me in a manner to which I'd like to become accustomed. He has to work hard and understand that I will, too. He has to kill spiders. He has to be six feet tall or over."

And then I'm going to take a look in the mirror, and I'm going to figure out why I'm still single.

Bah. Physical attraction is important, yes. So is realism.

Normal Girls and Bitterness - Part Three

Day Fifteen

Nine more matches today - seven of which were "flexible" matches. One of the matches is most proud of the "atchevments" he has "acompleshed". I'm sorry, I am already aware that I am a bit of a grammar and spelling freak, and I know it makes me come across as a bitch. Here's the thing, though - if you don't know how to spell a word, feel free to substitute with a word you can spell. If you're not a "wordy," it's quite alright! It's more aggravating to read misspelled "big" words than properly spelled "easy" words.

I would be more impressed by someone who correctly spelled "the things I've done" or even "the stuff I've done" than by someone who put "the atchevments I hav acompleshed." (sic)

It actually says on the website, when you're inputting the answers to these questions, that spelling and grammar are important. It's really true, too. Not just because with some of the words, the person reading your profile has to sit and ponder for a few minutes to determine what you are trying to say, but also because it points to diligence and interest in getting things done right. Even more than intelligence. Anyone can copy, letter by letter, the spelling of a word, which is why I don't think spelling really indicates intelligence. But if you are trying to make a first impression that will draw people to you... Don't you do the most you can to make yourself appealing? While still remaining yourself, of course.


Anyways.

Suitor B - 34, IT professional, clean cut, no kids - has sent his first Open Communication, and I will respond probably tomorrow. A full paragraph, coherent sentences, open-ended questions to reply to, etc.

I also received a response from Suitor D - 30, aircraft tech, no picture, no kids that I know of - last night: "K." (In response to my comment about communicating online rather than by phone, and to have a good long weekend.)


Interesting, though, the two different styles of communication. Both have been fairly quick to respond, but Suitor B went through all the channels and provided several items to respond to in the first Open Communication. Suitor D skipped directly to Open Communication and has not given me much to work with when it comes to carrying on a conversation. Shy? Quite possibly. But then why not use the safer, guided communication, to begin with? Curious.

Day Sixteen

Okay, eight new matches today. At least one of whom was matched with the other person I know using the service, yesterday or the day before.

All of them flexible matches. Lol.

Day Seventeen

Nine matches today. Communication from Suitor B, and from one of the new matches... Nothing interesting.


Was actually matched up with an Austrian yesterday - have started communication there. How much more Old World could a girl get? Good thing I've promised myself never to go with Old Country men - because this one's a cutie. But I'm pretty sure I'm still promised to one of the guys my dad used to work with. Ehm. Promised to the son of one of the guys my dad used to work with. Ehm. And by "promised" I mean... No, you know what? Don't worry about it. Nevermind. Forget I went there.

How about that local sports team, eh?

Work is nuckin futs at the moment. Will think about dating at a later time.


Day Eighteen


Seven matches today. Good times, good times. A gentleman who is outside my age range - by a decent margin - wanting to discuss affection.


Wait...


Something that is an integral part of who I am is this: I am not affectionate. Well, I enjoy people, but I'm not one of those women who snuggles or cuddles or molests their partner on the street. And I honestly think the world thanks me for this.

So here's an older gentleman, who is big on affection. I'm thinking... no.

Because I can't be outright bitchish, I can't just close the match, though! He's nice enough. But he's big on affection. I'm thinking this is how these sites suck you in - they guilt you into it. If you don't want to come across as a raging lettered bitch, you can't just hit "Close" when someone isn't attractive or isn't what you're looking for.


Because what if they are? What if the reason you're still alone is because what is attractive or what you're looking for is either a fantasy or a disgusting parody of real life?!!?!?!?!

The things that keep single girls up at night...


Day Nineteen


Six matches - but haven't had a chance to look at em yet. Busy busy.


Day Twenty

One match. Thus begins our foray into the desirable real estate known as: "Grasping at Straws." Perhaps this weekend I'll have a chance to be pleasantly surprised by previous matches, but at the moment I am not holding my breath.

Suitors A and C have not yet responded. Suitor B is keeping an open dialogue - seems to be a nice guy! Suitor D is... well, he's closed, because he responds within one minute of my messages. And the conversation - such as it is - feels like I'm dragging every word out of his mou... fingers, I guess. Normally, this is not much of a problem. I enjoy quiet as much as the next person, but if I'm in a "quiet-time" mode.... I don't respond immediately. I don't understand writing back right away in order to say : "good."

Just because it's faster doesn't mean it's better.

But I'm really finding this scenic journey to bitterness intriguing! As somewhat of a dork, I suppose I've also kept a hidden idea(r) of "the perfect man" somewhere in my head. I don't sit for hours and plan out who/where/how/when, but I guess there are more things that I need in a partner than I'd have thought previously. Previously, I'd have said: "ability to kill a spider, ability to be ignored if'n I'm involved in a really good book, and he has to be taller than me." Now, of course, now I have to add: "Literate. A reader. Not going to fondle and fawn over his partner in public. Not interested in finding someone to take the place of his 24/7 bosom buddy. Not interested to go from being a stranger to being bedmates in 3.2 seconds flat." Okay, the last point is negotiable. But you get my drift.

Day Twenty-One

One match.

Not within my geographical area, but he wants to speak.

Still no word from Suitors A or C, and I've closed the match with Suitor D. Does this make me a horrible person? Dragging words from someone is just... too much effort...

Day Twenty-Two - Today

Six matches today - one of whom has his profile picture set to him lying on the bed, cuddling with a pillow... Win... And his answer to "what are you most passionate about?" is: "I'm not really passionate about anything."

Another win! A guy who has a mugshot as his profile pic!

All six were flexible matches.

No new communications from anyone being studied at the moment, but Suitor A did visit my profile yesterday - there's a lovely "Who's Viewed Me" tab. Of course, being that I am the way I am, I have set it up so that if I'm viewing a profile, it comes up as anonymous. Sometimes I change back and forth, but when I'm checking out the new matches that first day, I mean... you don't necessarily want to encourage them to come see your profile, right?