So on the eighth day, I received matches.
Six of em. Not too shabby, nobody who (at this point) made me want to hide under my bed for the remainder of all time. However, of the six matches, two had been matched previously with the other person I know using this service.
33% of the matches were duplicated in this other person's list. Awesome.
Day Nine
Another seven matches! A few of them were flexible matches, but again, nothing terrifying. Decided to take a calculated risk and start communication with one of my previous six matches. Still checking out the seven, deciding if it's really worth it.
And one of the matches that was in my friend's list... closed the match. "Taking a break from dating." Then... uhmmm... why are you paying for this service? But it's okay, I'm not heartbroken.
Time for bed!
Day Ten
So it seems that "7" might be my lucky number. Another seven matches this morning, AND an answer to the communication sent last night.
If I were hanging my hopes on this service, I might be getting giddy right now! But, to be fair, it's not the be all and end all of life for me. I can see how people can get into the service, though... It's nice and completely anonymous. Sure, you've answered questions and are using your own name, but it's not like you are sitting in a room with these people right off the bat.
Of course... this way, you run the risk of meeting someone who looks good on paper, and who you feel has been vetted out... and then they turn out to be not at all who you thought they were. It happens "in real life" as well, sure, but when you've spent the time "talking" to this person online in a "safe" environment...? That realization's gonna hit you like a ton of bricks falling from the Eiffel Tower.
BUT! That's for later. We haven't gotten to that point yet! Right now, we're at the butterflies, and ohmygoodness look at him, and why'd you put that you wished more people realized how smart you are as an answer? Am I the only one who finds that to be a total turnoff?
Look at me demmit! I'm smrt!
Because, you know, there were spelling and grammatical errors rampant through the profile. This isn't particularly indicative of intelligence, believe me, I know. But you can't make the claim without backing it up. Right? Perhaps I'm being just a little bit too picky. But if I say that I wish more people realized how beautiful I am, then post pictures of me at my absolute worst... I mean... it's almost like inviting criticism.
mental note to self... due to the vast legions of horrible photos available, do not claim to be anything other than a troll. Check.
Alright, time to get back to work! (Sort of... going to open communication with another person this evening.)
Day Eleven
Another - you guessed it - seven matches today.
One of whom started communication within hours. So this is the way the communication is set up at the moment: one who I do not find attractive or a match at all, one who is pretty - sorry, there's really not a whole lot else I can say about him, and one who seems to be the sort of person I'd enjoy.
The person I find least compelling, of course, is the one who is answering within hours. Intriguing. So we'll see how things go - if they go - among these three. These shall be my beginner case studies! Oh, how I enjoy case studies... These following lists, by the way, do not correlate with the way I listed these gentlemen in a previous paragraph. I am certain you will be able to determine who is who, but I won't lay it out until the end - whether the match gets closed or suddenly I'm married. L.O.L.
Suitor A - is 32, a mechanic, has children (2, I believe), has a motorbike and tattoos, is 6'0"
Suitor B - is 34, an IT professional, does not have children, clean-cut appearance, is 5'9"
Suitor C - is 28, a "solutions architect," does not have children, urban cowboy appearance, is 5'11"
FUN! Oh, I look forward to the case study-ness. But for now, I need to eat some dinnah.
Day Twelve
What?!?! Not seven matches today... Nine... Every last one of them a "flexible" match. Interesting. Looks to me like we're running out of people that are compatible with my awesomeness. *wink*
One thing that would be really nice would be the option to select how important reading is to you. I mean, I've gotten several that answered the "What was the last book you read and really enjoyed? What was it about?" question with: "I'm not much of a reader. Unless (magazines/user manuals/cereal boxes) count." This is me. I'm a bit of a bibliophile. Someone who doesn't read?!?
That's ridiculous.
Anyways. No communications from Suitor A or C, but Suitor B replied. We're on round two now, will see how that goes.
Yet another person who said that he wished people would notice how smart he is. And also, even better, one guy who, in answer to the question: "Besides physical appearance, what is the first thing people notice about you?", said: "How smart I am."
*head hits desk*
Apparently intelligence so oozes out of this guy's pores that one is smacked about the face with his supreme smrts. Before noticing his scent, or the way he carries himself, or his courtesy with others, one notices how smart he is. I can actually picture a first - ehm, and probably last - date with this guy.
Meet at the restaurant, because of course I'm driving myself. Don't know if I want this guy to know where I live yet - lol - plus, it's just a good idea for a first date. Little nervous, smooth the hair, calm the butterflies, check to make sure there's no giant piece of spinach in my teeth. Okay. I look decent.
Check out the restaurant, and he's waiting in the foyer. Before making myself known, I take a second to appreciate (or shudder at) his appearance, and then I take one step towards him, two...
... and WHAMMO! A forcefield of magnificent knowledge and understanding surrounds him as he opens his grinning lips and says, "Yeah, that happens to everyone. I'm super smart."
As I pick myself up off the ground - he's smart enough to know that germs can be spread by touching, so of course he doesn't offer a hand - I nervously chuckle and make note of all the nearest exits. As I'm frantically trying to dial myself on my cell phone, just to have an excuse to get away.
Day Thirteen
Eight matches today... New communication from Suitor B but nothing from Suitors A or C - but the matches aren't closed, so you let yourself think it's nothing personal. Perhaps A and C are just spending some time crafting the perfect answers...
... uhm. To the multiple-choice questions...
Three more "I don't really read"s. *sigh*
Day Fourteen - Today
Ten matches today! A bunch of flexible matches - most of whom are not within the age range that I selected. And six or seven "I don't read"s. Hm. Is reading archaic? Is it unrealistic to expect someone who is thrilled to spend a few hours with a good book - be it text or prose?
Hrm.
Someone asked to "Fast Track" yesterday. Now, "Fast Track" means you jump directly to "Open Communication" - essentially e-mailing through the service. If you go with "Guided Communication" you first select five (pre-written) multiple choice questions for your match to answer, then they send you their five. Then you send your "must haves" and "can't stands". After this, you go to round two - three short answer questions that can either be selected from a provided list or made up by yourself.
Then there's Open Communication - the e-mailing, private messaging, sort of thing.
So. Here's the history of communication with this gentleman - we'll call him Suitor D - so far:
Suitor D: Hows it going Sept 4 10:10 PM
Me: Pretty good, Suitor D. How are things with you? Sept 4 10:11 PM (happened to be on when the message was sent)
Suitor D: Things are going ok Sept 4 10:20 PM
Suitor D: Hey would you be free sometime for a coffee? Sept 5 1:32 PM
Me: When did you have in mind? Sept 5 7:45 PM
Suitor D: How about sometime this weekend? If that will work for you Sept 5 7:56 PM (sent twice)
Me: Actually, the next couple of weekends are no good. Can we rain check? Chat for a bit first? Sept 5 8:01 PM (as I am currently composing this blog... lol...)
I'm beginning to think that perhaps I'm not taking this as seriously as some of my matches... I am an impatient person - it's true, I embrace it - but consistently responding within minutes of communications being sent? With Suitor B and Suitor D... who just sent me another message - let me go read it.
Suitor D: You bet here's my number ### ### #### Sept 5 8:06 PM
... How to respond? I meant chat with the Open Communication... Hrm. Perhaps I'll just say that.
Me: Sorry! I meant on here... Little too early for phone for me. I've got to take off now, though. Enjoy your long weekend and I'll catch up with you in a bit! Sept 5 8:09 PM
How do you go from being matched one day to having coffee the next? His profile is practically bare and there was no guided communication to start with.
Suitor B is at the Open Communication stage, but we have not taken that step yet. Quite possibly because I did not write answers he wanted to read in the short answer phase. Suitor A is at the "Send Must Haves / Can't Stands" phase, and Suitor C is still on the first five questions.
This is actually really interesting - keywords that seem to be unacceptable to matches in my age range: ridiculous, responsible, reading. T'would appear men between the ages of 28 and 38 who are on this service are looking for: level-headed, irresponsible, non-readers - or perhaps are level-headed, irresponsible, non-readers. Too little information to tell, at this point.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Why Apparently "Normal" Girls Turn Bitter - Part One
Day One
Well, I did it. I signed up for one of those online dating sites. You know the one - cheesy commercials and claims of scientific matching procedures. "Daniel and Amanda were matched on this date, engaged on this date, and ohmygosh married on this date!"
Not that I was looking to hop on the Express Train to Matrimony, but I figured, "What the hell?" Mid-twenties, single for... well, a long time, and not even a casual distraction on the horizon. So why not? No real hopes hung on it, but since someone I know is doing it, I thought it'd be interesting.
So I caught a "special pricing" deal, and I sat back and waited. Vaguely anxious, vaguely scared, vaguely excited. No matches before I went to bed, but hey - it's only been a couple of hours.
Day Two
Check my e-mail - no notification. But hey, maybe it got filtered to Spam and I missed it. So I sign on to the site, expecting to see maybe one or two "flexible" matches - the kind that aren't quite exact, but not way off, you know?
Nothing. Nada. Bupkis.
It's only been a day, though. Gotta give it some time. Anyways, I have work to do.
Day Three
Morning started off busy at work and I wasn't able to check my e-mail until the evening. I open my inbox and...!!!
Nothing. So I go onto the site, check for new matches - of course there are none. Check my settings, make sure that I've set my profile to active and my matching to on.
Yes and yes. Still nothing. It's getting late so I hit the hay, but I am sure tomorrow there'll be something. Still don't really care too much, but it's getting kind of funny.
Day Four
No freaking e-mail!
No matches on the site!
Work is busy, so I dive in and forget about dating for the rest of the day.
Day Five
Again, some computer issues at work. Can't check my e-mail until I get home.
... Nothing. Surely there must be at least some flexible matches by now! Sure, I got in on a special, but this is still costing me money.
Sign in to the site and see my favourite message, ever.
"We're sorry, we can not match you at this time. But we have oodles of people joining every day, and 300 or so people are getting married EVERY DAY as a direct result of our amazing service. Hopefully the preceding sentence doesn't make you even more discouraged about us being unable to match you right now. You can't possibly be as undesirable as all that. Chin up, kid - try again tomorrow!"
Or something along those lines. Alright. Bed time.
Day Six
I'm cranky. Not impressed with some of my coworkers, but it's Friday! So who cares?
Plus, I have an army of scientists working on matching me with my soulmate, right? (Hahaha) Check my e-mail and am resigned to the absence of any new matches. Is it even worth it at this point to go to the site? Well, you know I'm going to.
No new matches. That message:
"We're sorry blah blah blah. You might be unmatchable but don't give up yet! We're going to drag out the process a little longer. No, still no flexible matches. Can we interest you in this free newsletter about cats and a complimentary Rod Stewart CD?"
Hrmmm...
Day Seven - One Full Week Paid For
Ahh... the weekend! All my friends are out with their spouses or partners, enjoying the end of summer. I go to the market with my mom, then check my e-mail.
Moments before throwing the computer through the window after seeing "No new e-mails" I think, "But wait! What if...?"
So of course I check the site... Not a single goddamn thing.
"We're sorry. It appears that you are less matchable than any person we've encountered previously. We are determined to find you a match, however, so please try again tomorrow. Accept this e-bouquet as an expression of our condolences for the passing of your dignity. We understand your self-confidence is nearing death throes as well. Our sympathy."
At this point, my response ise "Screw it. Cancel the subscription." Ah, but I have no option to - until my final payment has been processed, because of the special pricing I took advantage of. Awesome.
Had I been paying full price and really - honestly and truly - interested in the whole process, I'd have lost $15 by this point and been really cranky. Luckily I'm only $5 in the hole right now. But I do have to pay the next two installments before I can cancel.
Which is, of course, complete and utter bullshit.
It's like going to a dealership, taking advantage of Employee Pricing, and then being told there are no cars available. But, you know, hang out in the lot until you finish the payments you selected, and maybe you'll be able to leave with your own new car.
Maybe not, though. No guarantees.
I'm not looking for a guarantee of a 69 Charger with a Hemi and all-leather interior. But at least amuse me with a K-Car in the meantime, right? I've already paid, and was promised a vehicle.
There's not even a bicycle that you can give me while you're searching for my dream car?
Time for bed. Life's too short to feel slighted by an online dating service - especially when you weren't exactly aching to join in the first place... Right?
RIGHT?!?!
Day Eight - Today
I was a bit rushed when I woke up this morning - didn't leave myself much time to get ready for the Sunday morning ritual of cappuccino with the folks. But I did have some time to check my e-mail. Of course!
What's this?!?! An e-mail from the dating site!!
"Thank you for editing your About Me information. Your account has been re-enabled to receive new matches. Please allow 24 hours for this to take effect.
Please be aware that adding personal contact info, website URL’s, or inappropriate language in your About Me is a direct violation of the terms of service you accepted by becoming a member of this site. Future violations of our Terms and Conditions of Service may result in account closure."
... Uhm. What? I haven't changed my "About Me" except to add my work title. ... So I respond.
"I do not - nor did I previously - have any of the below items in my "About Me." I sent an e-mail last night stating that I wished to have my account closed, and that I was unimpressed that the Terms and Conditions on the website provide step-by-step instructions that start with clicking a link that is not on my Account Settings. I can not turn off auto-renew, nor can I cancel my subscription.
There were no items that were against the Terms and Conditions in my profile. I sincerely hope this e-mail has been sent to an incorrect account. In any case, I would like to close my account."
But it likely won't work, as the Terms and Conditions - once you get past the "step-by-step" instructions that require access to a link that is just not available for me - clearly state that I can not cancel my subscription or close my account without fulfilling the remainder of the contract.
Alright, fine.
Do you know what this means? This means that I have another three months (just about) of giving my perspective on the whole "online dating" thing. I could sit at home and feel devastated that I am apparently more undesirable - more unmatchable - than some guy who has put his career as "free thinker," but that's just not my style!
My style is to laugh at the whole situation and foist it upon those of you who (unwillingly) read my blog.
Hold on to your hats. This should be a good'er.
Well, I did it. I signed up for one of those online dating sites. You know the one - cheesy commercials and claims of scientific matching procedures. "Daniel and Amanda were matched on this date, engaged on this date, and ohmygosh married on this date!"
Not that I was looking to hop on the Express Train to Matrimony, but I figured, "What the hell?" Mid-twenties, single for... well, a long time, and not even a casual distraction on the horizon. So why not? No real hopes hung on it, but since someone I know is doing it, I thought it'd be interesting.
So I caught a "special pricing" deal, and I sat back and waited. Vaguely anxious, vaguely scared, vaguely excited. No matches before I went to bed, but hey - it's only been a couple of hours.
Day Two
Check my e-mail - no notification. But hey, maybe it got filtered to Spam and I missed it. So I sign on to the site, expecting to see maybe one or two "flexible" matches - the kind that aren't quite exact, but not way off, you know?
Nothing. Nada. Bupkis.
It's only been a day, though. Gotta give it some time. Anyways, I have work to do.
Day Three
Morning started off busy at work and I wasn't able to check my e-mail until the evening. I open my inbox and...!!!
Nothing. So I go onto the site, check for new matches - of course there are none. Check my settings, make sure that I've set my profile to active and my matching to on.
Yes and yes. Still nothing. It's getting late so I hit the hay, but I am sure tomorrow there'll be something. Still don't really care too much, but it's getting kind of funny.
Day Four
No freaking e-mail!
No matches on the site!
Work is busy, so I dive in and forget about dating for the rest of the day.
Day Five
Again, some computer issues at work. Can't check my e-mail until I get home.
... Nothing. Surely there must be at least some flexible matches by now! Sure, I got in on a special, but this is still costing me money.
Sign in to the site and see my favourite message, ever.
"We're sorry, we can not match you at this time. But we have oodles of people joining every day, and 300 or so people are getting married EVERY DAY as a direct result of our amazing service. Hopefully the preceding sentence doesn't make you even more discouraged about us being unable to match you right now. You can't possibly be as undesirable as all that. Chin up, kid - try again tomorrow!"
Or something along those lines. Alright. Bed time.
Day Six
I'm cranky. Not impressed with some of my coworkers, but it's Friday! So who cares?
Plus, I have an army of scientists working on matching me with my soulmate, right? (Hahaha) Check my e-mail and am resigned to the absence of any new matches. Is it even worth it at this point to go to the site? Well, you know I'm going to.
No new matches. That message:
"We're sorry blah blah blah. You might be unmatchable but don't give up yet! We're going to drag out the process a little longer. No, still no flexible matches. Can we interest you in this free newsletter about cats and a complimentary Rod Stewart CD?"
Hrmmm...
Day Seven - One Full Week Paid For
Ahh... the weekend! All my friends are out with their spouses or partners, enjoying the end of summer. I go to the market with my mom, then check my e-mail.
Moments before throwing the computer through the window after seeing "No new e-mails" I think, "But wait! What if...?"
So of course I check the site... Not a single goddamn thing.
"We're sorry. It appears that you are less matchable than any person we've encountered previously. We are determined to find you a match, however, so please try again tomorrow. Accept this e-bouquet as an expression of our condolences for the passing of your dignity. We understand your self-confidence is nearing death throes as well. Our sympathy."
At this point, my response ise "Screw it. Cancel the subscription." Ah, but I have no option to - until my final payment has been processed, because of the special pricing I took advantage of. Awesome.
Had I been paying full price and really - honestly and truly - interested in the whole process, I'd have lost $15 by this point and been really cranky. Luckily I'm only $5 in the hole right now. But I do have to pay the next two installments before I can cancel.
Which is, of course, complete and utter bullshit.
It's like going to a dealership, taking advantage of Employee Pricing, and then being told there are no cars available. But, you know, hang out in the lot until you finish the payments you selected, and maybe you'll be able to leave with your own new car.
Maybe not, though. No guarantees.
I'm not looking for a guarantee of a 69 Charger with a Hemi and all-leather interior. But at least amuse me with a K-Car in the meantime, right? I've already paid, and was promised a vehicle.
There's not even a bicycle that you can give me while you're searching for my dream car?
Time for bed. Life's too short to feel slighted by an online dating service - especially when you weren't exactly aching to join in the first place... Right?
RIGHT?!?!
Day Eight - Today
I was a bit rushed when I woke up this morning - didn't leave myself much time to get ready for the Sunday morning ritual of cappuccino with the folks. But I did have some time to check my e-mail. Of course!
What's this?!?! An e-mail from the dating site!!
"Thank you for editing your About Me information. Your account has been re-enabled to receive new matches. Please allow 24 hours for this to take effect.
Please be aware that adding personal contact info, website URL’s, or inappropriate language in your About Me is a direct violation of the terms of service you accepted by becoming a member of this site. Future violations of our Terms and Conditions of Service may result in account closure."
... Uhm. What? I haven't changed my "About Me" except to add my work title. ... So I respond.
"I do not - nor did I previously - have any of the below items in my "About Me." I sent an e-mail last night stating that I wished to have my account closed, and that I was unimpressed that the Terms and Conditions on the website provide step-by-step instructions that start with clicking a link that is not on my Account Settings. I can not turn off auto-renew, nor can I cancel my subscription.
There were no items that were against the Terms and Conditions in my profile. I sincerely hope this e-mail has been sent to an incorrect account. In any case, I would like to close my account."
But it likely won't work, as the Terms and Conditions - once you get past the "step-by-step" instructions that require access to a link that is just not available for me - clearly state that I can not cancel my subscription or close my account without fulfilling the remainder of the contract.
Alright, fine.
Do you know what this means? This means that I have another three months (just about) of giving my perspective on the whole "online dating" thing. I could sit at home and feel devastated that I am apparently more undesirable - more unmatchable - than some guy who has put his career as "free thinker," but that's just not my style!
My style is to laugh at the whole situation and foist it upon those of you who (unwillingly) read my blog.
Hold on to your hats. This should be a good'er.
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