Posting early again as I'm off to sunny California for the weekend. With any luck, it will actually be sunny - or at least warmer than here.
As a sidenote, in response to several messages I received after the last entry: this isn't intended as an advice column, dictating whether or not you should use this particular service. That's part of the reason the service is never actually named. This is for entertainment only, and if I impact your decision one way or the other, you should keep in mind the single most important aspect of who I am. I am ridiculous. I see this this blog as a way to share my (admittedly, often stream-of-consciousness and sarcastic) thoughts. That's it, that's all. Please don't take me too seriously. I certainly don't.
Two months down, one to go.
Week Eight
8.1 Four matches over the weekend, but no time to check them out. The polls are now open as to whether or not one of these will be the be-all and end-all. Don't forget to initial your ballot.
(After work now, checked the matches) Nope. All four closed. Two in my city (one younger than I, the other within the specified age bracket) but nothing that popped.
Seems there's a whole lot of "not popping" going on. Which brings me to a very astute observation made by someone I know... Apparently, I am romantically stunted.
And it's true, I am slow to warm to romance - but slow and steady wins the race, yeah? Well, no, fast and steady wins the race but that's neither here nor there really. Also, slow and steady doesn't really win the race against that tick-tocking biological clock, either...
...*cough*...
... So, in short, yes I am a late bloomer when it comes to romance. Being a ridiculous sort of person, perhaps I'm genetically predisposed to a lack of romanticism. Think about The Notebook. Great movie, right? Now picture the leading lady tripping over her own two feet at every turn. Somewhat less great, right?
Perhaps I'm just too picky.
Yes.... yes, I think that must be it. ... Picky.
8.2 Three matches, all within a year or two of each other - within the age range. One of them is fairly attractive, comes across as intelligent (though, you know, it's online - you can be whomever and whatever you wish to be online), and claims to be an accomplished musician. Sure, he'd be perfect if you went for that intelligent, talented, attractive sort. Me? I apparently like my men dumb, useless, and just this side of repugnant.
I'm feeling like just looking at my matches has become a chore - let alone deciding whether or not I should communicate with them. Because what if? What if so-and-so with the lack of a photo, three-word answers, half the questions unfilled-out on his profile is the one? Then what? This site claims to be different from all other services because of the science behind pairing people up... What kind of science could there possibly be if one of the participants (or both!) don't answer all the questions?
But what do I know? I'm sittin at the station in Acerbity drinking an overpriced diet cola from the vending machine...
8.2.1 One of the matches previously closed now requests that I re-open the match... What's a girl to do? This gentleman still has next to no information on his profile. He has no photos up. He has his height listed as six inches shorter than mine (what can I say? I own FMBs, I like to be able to wear them once in a blue moon, and they'd make me ten inches taller than him - not a disaster, but I prefer taller men) and none of the information intrigues me in the slightest.
Does not read, spends his leisure time at the dance club with friends - have I mentioned that I don't dance? I'm German. We polka. Nuff said - and is employed as a "troubleshooter." Now, that runs the gamut from game testing and debugging to standing on a sidewalk and figuring out why it keeps cracking in the winter.
Oy. Match will remain closed. Perhaps he could potentially be the one but I'm going to go with "no," which will give me another "what if?" to ponder as I sit on the porch with an afghan and six cats, later in life. And, depressingly, I just realized something. I don't think I've ever actually been asked out on a date... Oh dear. Perhaps I should reopen this match.
No communications from anyone else.
8.3 Received a message from one of you asking if I was taking this whole process too personally. I'm really torn about this, which came as a little bit of a surprise even to me. On the one hand, no I'm not taking it personally because I don't feel I'm particularly emotionally invested. This is a curiosity, and I can honestly say that though I am interested in the process, I am not hanging all my hopes and dreams on this site.
Sure, I may become that crazy hag who mutters her way through life and spends every February 14 contemplating spraying all nearby couples with a fire hose filled with marmalade - random, but c'mon, that'd ruin your Valentine's Day, wouldn't it? - but if that is to happen, it won't be solely because of this site. I'm still young, and I've still got a fair amount of play left in me. You can't quit the sport just because you're benched for a few games - *sigh* or seasons...
On the other hand, when it comes to dating and relationships... doesn't it kind of have to be personal? It's not like I'm pitching a product here - this is me: I'm ridiculous, I don't crave epic romance or someone to worship me and drop everything when I say so, I don't play games because I haven't ever learned (and don't care to learn) how, and I'm more interested in a partner than drama. In short, a fairly average person, I think. Take it or leave it. Even when someone you aren't interested in decides to "leave it," it stings a little.
Mais c'est la vie. You get your bumps and scratches and you move on! If not, we may as well all remain as prepubescent children who don't understand and can't react to a darn thing when it comes to this whole idea of love.
Goodness, wouldn't that be a hoot? "I met someone who doesn't think I'm the most amazing, awesometastical, perfectest person ever EVER. *stamps feet* It's not faaaaay-errrrrrrrrrrrr."
Oh, yeah, no new matches or communications...
8.3.1 Attraction... Call me shallow, but I think that there needs to be some physical attraction between partners. If that's all there is, there may be problems, but I think it's important. There, I said it. Rail against me all you like, but deep down, you know you agree. Of the (now) 179 matches I have received, I have found one physically attractive right off the bat. I mean, I can't think of anyone who has no redeeming physical qualities, but only one of the matches was an instant "oh my... he's yummy" reaction. I didn't include him in the case studies, but we communicated for about 3.2 seconds.
Why so short? Because not only was there nothing in common... Okay, well, there was nothing in common. We'll leave it at that. So attraction really can't be all there is, I guess, is my point.
8.4 Three matches and only one of them is in my city (unfilled-out profile, no photos). One isn't too far away, about an hour and a half (unfilled-out profile, no photos... as well), but the last (photos, filled-out profile) is in another country entirely. No other communications.
Perhaps I'm just not matchworthy to men in my own country. I worry about changing my "match distance" to include other places, however. What happens, then, when I still don't have matches?! What happens when this service scours the entire globe and still returns with "flexible" matches that aren't really matches at all?
Ohmygoodness, what happens when I have to look in that mirror and realize that maybe, just maybe, I'm actually not the most amazing, awesometastical, perfectest person ever EVER?!
Could you please hand me that paper bag? I think I'm having a panic attack.
Now. I have to make a cake tomorrow for my brother-in-law's birthday this weekend, which I will be missing because I'm off to California. I promise I'll try not to spread my panic about relationships to the other passengers whilst flying.
Final payment for the service has been processed.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
Normal Girls and Bitterness - Part Seven
You'll notice a new layout. I apologize for continuously changing it up, but unfortunately, all my formatting disappears whenever I edit a post.
Week Seven
7.1 Wowza.
Nine matches in one day. All but two I closed immediately because, well... just no.
I went through and closed a whole schwack of matches, for a few reasons. Some I had been matched with a month and a half ago and there had been no communication. The other bunch I - or they - had initiated communication, but I had not heard from them in a month or more. Not really worth sitting and waiting for someone to write back with "oh hey." You know? Not that I was sitting there waiting, but I'm sure you know what I mean.
7.2 Another seven matches so far today...
So, the running total is:
"Meh" that haven't been closed and haven't had any communication initiated: 19
"Communicating" (most of whom still have not responded for quite some time): 9
Closed (either by myself or by them): 127
Which makes the "worthwhile factor" (Meh + Communicating as a percentage of the total) at about 18%. If you factor in the number of "Communicating" matches who are actually communicating... It's at 13%. If you don't consider "Meh" as a worthwhile option, and only include the actually communicating matches, well, then... we're at less than one percent (0.6% - 1/155). Awesome.
Even considering I'm only paying 33% of the regular rate for this service... I feel I'm being ripped off.
... I wonder if my lameness about determining a "Worthwhile Factor" might be part of the reason I have such a low worthwhile factor... I mean, I wonder if any of my matches would go so far as to sort that out? Hmmm... Things to ponder.
What kills me, though, is that I'm not being particularly stringent with my requirements - in my humble opinion, anyway. You may disagree, but you know what? This is my tale, so what I say goes. *sticks her tongue out at reader* I don't think it's too much to ask that you can spell the words that are included IN THE PRE-WRITTEN QUESTION correctly.
"What is one thing you are most passionate about?"
"I'm most pasionite (sic) about my dogs."
*head thumps*
Copy and paste. Again, if you're not a speller, no biggie, but if the word's already there for you? Use the tools you're given.
Criminy.
7.3 So another seven matches today. I'll check em out after work.
One thing I am definitely learning in this process is how much of a raging bitch I can be. I wouldn't have thought it - though I occasionally pretend to be a full-blown, lettered, card-carrying bitch - but I've found that ambivalence breeds a wee bit o' hostility. I'm fully aware that my reaction to various foibles reflects more on me than on the person with the foibles, but meh. I'm trying not to make the decision to close a match based on appearance or spelling or eloquence. Unfortunately, there's not a whole heck of a lot else involved in this process!
You are shown a photo - sometimes, it's not a requirement - and you get to read people's answers to various pre-written questions. Personally, I don't believe that *le sigh* two hearts can touch one another through the (previously selected by an anonymous third-part) prose of the interwebs. I know, call me a luddite, whatever, but I'm a little more old-fashioned than that (ehm, and probably not romantic enough to buy into that idea). So this service offers communication! Fabulous!
... Provided both parties communicate.
But rather than focus on what is unappealing about most of the matches I've closed, let's focus on what - about me - is potentially unappealing to my potential matches. (all sorts of "potential", but we need something to kick it into kinetic, people - it won't be me doing the kicking, that's for sure. Stupid weather changes.)
ANYWAYS!
In my "Personality Profile" I have highlighted that I enjoy reading, writing (rithmetic... lol), as well as photography and well, arguing. I've mentioned that I'm close with my family. I've mentioned that I have tattoos - no, no photos of them up - and that I'm looking for someone with the following traits: responsibility, passion, and the ability to let loose the inner child every once in awhile.
Terrifying? Disturbing? Utterly off-putting?
Possibly.
Perhaps the problem with online dating - sorry, "relationship-finding" - is that those who subscribe are looking for that one-in-a-million. That person who makes your toes curl (in a good way) just to see them and makes you smile just to think of them.
The issue with that, for me, is that there are multitudinous amounts of people who make me smile just to think of them. I enjoy smiling. I do it often. I don't always need to have a reason, but generally, just thinking of any one of most of the people I know can bring a grin. And the toes curling thing? shhhhh can you keep a secret? I don't know that I believe in the toes curling situation. I'm willing to be proven wrong, however.
7.3.1 Mildly off-topic, which should be expected by now, but I found out that four of my friends are in new relationships today. Ehm, not with each other, and not all started today. But new - newish, I suppose, the oldest dating back about two and a half months - that I didn't know about before today.
This is fantastic!
Though it is somewhat discomfiting to take a random survey of a bunch of my close friends and note that I am one of only three who are not in a relationship. Mayhaps I have a skewed perspective, though. Knowing what I know, about my friends' relationships - trials, tribulations, and triumphs - would I trade places with any one of them?
If so, what is holding me back?
And if not, could that be a big part of my lack of excitement over an "online relationship-finding" service?
Or does it all just boil down to the fact that though I do not necessarily revel in my singledom, I do not feel that I am missing out on anything that would make my life more more than it is now? I'm a pretty happy person - this may not be apparent through this blog - and that's the point. I enjoy my life as the friend that people can go to for whatever.
But how much rejection, disappointment, and let-down can a person take before being transformed completely from Pollyanna to Misanthropos?
Well, I only have another month and nine days before my subscription will expire... I don't know whether to hope to be served up as bitters by then, or to have survived three months of analysis.
7.4 Another seven matches - not a one of them within 100km of me. Closed all of em. None of them was within my age range, not to mention the distance.
I am not interested in people younger than I am. I thought I made this clear by starting my age range at three years older than I am. But hey, a flexible match is still a match, right?
I suppose.
Someone asked me the other day why I'm continuing with this. Aside from the fact that I'm stuck with this site until almost the end of November because I can't cancel, it's a kind of public service from me to you.
Guys? Ladies? Thinking of joining one of these online services? Well, maybe knowing what it's like from a real person's perspective - with my faults, quirks, foibles, and all - would help. Successes are important to keep in mind, but so is the possibility of failure. Complete, abysmal, soul-crushing failure.
Men - there are women like me on these sites. You've been forewarned.
Women - there are men like those listed throughout on these sites.
You've been forewarned.
7.5 Three matches. Only one of them in my province, but still a few hundred kilometres away.
What is that smell? Oh. Right. My desire to ever jump balls out into the dating pool is still sitting in that corner over there, rotting.
Week Seven
7.1 Wowza.
Nine matches in one day. All but two I closed immediately because, well... just no.
I went through and closed a whole schwack of matches, for a few reasons. Some I had been matched with a month and a half ago and there had been no communication. The other bunch I - or they - had initiated communication, but I had not heard from them in a month or more. Not really worth sitting and waiting for someone to write back with "oh hey." You know? Not that I was sitting there waiting, but I'm sure you know what I mean.
7.2 Another seven matches so far today...
So, the running total is:
"Meh" that haven't been closed and haven't had any communication initiated: 19
"Communicating" (most of whom still have not responded for quite some time): 9
Closed (either by myself or by them): 127
Which makes the "worthwhile factor" (Meh + Communicating as a percentage of the total) at about 18%. If you factor in the number of "Communicating" matches who are actually communicating... It's at 13%. If you don't consider "Meh" as a worthwhile option, and only include the actually communicating matches, well, then... we're at less than one percent (0.6% - 1/155). Awesome.
Even considering I'm only paying 33% of the regular rate for this service... I feel I'm being ripped off.
... I wonder if my lameness about determining a "Worthwhile Factor" might be part of the reason I have such a low worthwhile factor... I mean, I wonder if any of my matches would go so far as to sort that out? Hmmm... Things to ponder.
What kills me, though, is that I'm not being particularly stringent with my requirements - in my humble opinion, anyway. You may disagree, but you know what? This is my tale, so what I say goes. *sticks her tongue out at reader* I don't think it's too much to ask that you can spell the words that are included IN THE PRE-WRITTEN QUESTION correctly.
"What is one thing you are most passionate about?"
"I'm most pasionite (sic) about my dogs."
*head thumps*
Copy and paste. Again, if you're not a speller, no biggie, but if the word's already there for you? Use the tools you're given.
Criminy.
7.3 So another seven matches today. I'll check em out after work.
One thing I am definitely learning in this process is how much of a raging bitch I can be. I wouldn't have thought it - though I occasionally pretend to be a full-blown, lettered, card-carrying bitch - but I've found that ambivalence breeds a wee bit o' hostility. I'm fully aware that my reaction to various foibles reflects more on me than on the person with the foibles, but meh. I'm trying not to make the decision to close a match based on appearance or spelling or eloquence. Unfortunately, there's not a whole heck of a lot else involved in this process!
You are shown a photo - sometimes, it's not a requirement - and you get to read people's answers to various pre-written questions. Personally, I don't believe that *le sigh* two hearts can touch one another through the (previously selected by an anonymous third-part) prose of the interwebs. I know, call me a luddite, whatever, but I'm a little more old-fashioned than that (ehm, and probably not romantic enough to buy into that idea). So this service offers communication! Fabulous!
... Provided both parties communicate.
But rather than focus on what is unappealing about most of the matches I've closed, let's focus on what - about me - is potentially unappealing to my potential matches. (all sorts of "potential", but we need something to kick it into kinetic, people - it won't be me doing the kicking, that's for sure. Stupid weather changes.)
ANYWAYS!
In my "Personality Profile" I have highlighted that I enjoy reading, writing (rithmetic... lol), as well as photography and well, arguing. I've mentioned that I'm close with my family. I've mentioned that I have tattoos - no, no photos of them up - and that I'm looking for someone with the following traits: responsibility, passion, and the ability to let loose the inner child every once in awhile.
Terrifying? Disturbing? Utterly off-putting?
Possibly.
Perhaps the problem with online dating - sorry, "relationship-finding" - is that those who subscribe are looking for that one-in-a-million. That person who makes your toes curl (in a good way) just to see them and makes you smile just to think of them.
The issue with that, for me, is that there are multitudinous amounts of people who make me smile just to think of them. I enjoy smiling. I do it often. I don't always need to have a reason, but generally, just thinking of any one of most of the people I know can bring a grin. And the toes curling thing? shhhhh can you keep a secret? I don't know that I believe in the toes curling situation. I'm willing to be proven wrong, however.
7.3.1 Mildly off-topic, which should be expected by now, but I found out that four of my friends are in new relationships today. Ehm, not with each other, and not all started today. But new - newish, I suppose, the oldest dating back about two and a half months - that I didn't know about before today.
This is fantastic!
Though it is somewhat discomfiting to take a random survey of a bunch of my close friends and note that I am one of only three who are not in a relationship. Mayhaps I have a skewed perspective, though. Knowing what I know, about my friends' relationships - trials, tribulations, and triumphs - would I trade places with any one of them?
If so, what is holding me back?
And if not, could that be a big part of my lack of excitement over an "online relationship-finding" service?
Or does it all just boil down to the fact that though I do not necessarily revel in my singledom, I do not feel that I am missing out on anything that would make my life more more than it is now? I'm a pretty happy person - this may not be apparent through this blog - and that's the point. I enjoy my life as the friend that people can go to for whatever.
But how much rejection, disappointment, and let-down can a person take before being transformed completely from Pollyanna to Misanthropos?
Well, I only have another month and nine days before my subscription will expire... I don't know whether to hope to be served up as bitters by then, or to have survived three months of analysis.
7.4 Another seven matches - not a one of them within 100km of me. Closed all of em. None of them was within my age range, not to mention the distance.
I am not interested in people younger than I am. I thought I made this clear by starting my age range at three years older than I am. But hey, a flexible match is still a match, right?
I suppose.
Someone asked me the other day why I'm continuing with this. Aside from the fact that I'm stuck with this site until almost the end of November because I can't cancel, it's a kind of public service from me to you.
Guys? Ladies? Thinking of joining one of these online services? Well, maybe knowing what it's like from a real person's perspective - with my faults, quirks, foibles, and all - would help. Successes are important to keep in mind, but so is the possibility of failure. Complete, abysmal, soul-crushing failure.
Men - there are women like me on these sites. You've been forewarned.
Women - there are men like those listed throughout on these sites.
You've been forewarned.
7.5 Three matches. Only one of them in my province, but still a few hundred kilometres away.
What is that smell? Oh. Right. My desire to ever jump balls out into the dating pool is still sitting in that corner over there, rotting.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Normal Girls and Bitterness - Part Six
Blah blah blah...
The bloom is definitely off the rose. I find myself not really giving a hoot. Not really caring that there've been four matches - no excitement. Two communications from Suitor B - unsurprisingly at this point, nothing from Suitors A or C. Nothing from anyone else.
One person, this evening, was matched with me, then sent an "Icebreaker," then promptly closed the match.
T'was lovely to meet you, too, sir.
I mean, it might have been. If I cared.
Are my three months up yet?
Do I really have to deal with another month and a half of being matched up with people who I am either not at all interested in - or if I am interested in them, they don't respond to communications - when I could spend my time working out?
Or perhaps cleaning my shower trap?
Or maybe determining, solely by control over my own muscles and internal temperature gauge, the exact temperature of the cold air blowing through the vents in the hallway of my building?
Or anything else that doesn't feel like a complete waste of my time?
I've filed three applications for local ashrams. I've purchased sixteen yards of bright orange fabric from the local Wal-Mart ($1.87 bins!) in order to make my own clothing. And I've contemplated picking up a few extra Lady Bics to rid myself of my hair.
... I wonder if you can use Veet on your head without causing irritation...?
The bloom is definitely off the rose. I find myself not really giving a hoot. Not really caring that there've been four matches - no excitement. Two communications from Suitor B - unsurprisingly at this point, nothing from Suitors A or C. Nothing from anyone else.
One person, this evening, was matched with me, then sent an "Icebreaker," then promptly closed the match.
T'was lovely to meet you, too, sir.
I mean, it might have been. If I cared.
Are my three months up yet?
Do I really have to deal with another month and a half of being matched up with people who I am either not at all interested in - or if I am interested in them, they don't respond to communications - when I could spend my time working out?
Or perhaps cleaning my shower trap?
Or maybe determining, solely by control over my own muscles and internal temperature gauge, the exact temperature of the cold air blowing through the vents in the hallway of my building?
Or anything else that doesn't feel like a complete waste of my time?
I've filed three applications for local ashrams. I've purchased sixteen yards of bright orange fabric from the local Wal-Mart ($1.87 bins!) in order to make my own clothing. And I've contemplated picking up a few extra Lady Bics to rid myself of my hair.
... I wonder if you can use Veet on your head without causing irritation...?
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Normal Girls and Bitterness - Part Five
Since my last entry, here's a total breakdown of what's happened with my finding of "online relationships." (Because, you know, "online dating" has a bit of a negative connotation to it, and how embarrassing would it be to be honest about what's going on? Goodness, people our age don't date anymore! We're far too mature and magnificent to do such a common, crass, and awkward dance. Pfft.)
A grand total of:
* Eight new matches. (Six of these between Friday and Sunday)
* One new request for communication. (Done. And then I closed the match. Why? Not compelling. It's been a little over a month and I've decided that I'm not going to communicate with anyone who doesn't pop up on the radar for any reason.)
* Communications from Suitor B. (Not Suitor A or C. Difficult to study when the subjects do not act.)
* No butterflies - one guy has potential. Why? Because he's attractive and he likes to hike. The info from his profile, however, is firmly in the "meh" category. So yes, enjoying hiking = on radar.
* No finding my "one true love."
The train pulled out of our original station - known as "Complacence" - and we have reached our first stop on this scenic route to Bitterness: Dispassion.
Because, at this point, it's considerably easier to be dispassionate and frankly not give a hoot than to get upset. Hell, I'm not even energetic enough about the whole process to warrant ambivalence anymore. Ambivalence was akin to those "one grain elevator, a church, and a gas station" towns you pass along the highway - blink and you miss it. (sidenote... do you see what I did there? Now you know what the "lay of the land" is where I live.)
Next stop?
The bustling metropolis of Acerbity, where even the most devout narcissist will toss off the cloak of self-esteem and begin to doubt themself.
Fun for the whole family! Bring your kids, bring your friends, bring your spouse...
... wait, you don't have a spouse.
That's why you're here.
Right.
I'm not Catholic, so I won't be welcome in a convent, but perhaps I could join a monastery...? Shave my head instead of my legs - and let's be honest about that, ladies, it's getting to be winter and it's been awhile since there was even a ripple of a possibility of a reason for shaving - and I'd never have to decide what to wear in the morning, ever again.
Plus, I think orange is really my colour.
A grand total of:
* Eight new matches. (Six of these between Friday and Sunday)
* One new request for communication. (Done. And then I closed the match. Why? Not compelling. It's been a little over a month and I've decided that I'm not going to communicate with anyone who doesn't pop up on the radar for any reason.)
* Communications from Suitor B. (Not Suitor A or C. Difficult to study when the subjects do not act.)
* No butterflies - one guy has potential. Why? Because he's attractive and he likes to hike. The info from his profile, however, is firmly in the "meh" category. So yes, enjoying hiking = on radar.
* No finding my "one true love."
The train pulled out of our original station - known as "Complacence" - and we have reached our first stop on this scenic route to Bitterness: Dispassion.
Because, at this point, it's considerably easier to be dispassionate and frankly not give a hoot than to get upset. Hell, I'm not even energetic enough about the whole process to warrant ambivalence anymore. Ambivalence was akin to those "one grain elevator, a church, and a gas station" towns you pass along the highway - blink and you miss it. (sidenote... do you see what I did there? Now you know what the "lay of the land" is where I live.)
Next stop?
The bustling metropolis of Acerbity, where even the most devout narcissist will toss off the cloak of self-esteem and begin to doubt themself.
Fun for the whole family! Bring your kids, bring your friends, bring your spouse...
... wait, you don't have a spouse.
That's why you're here.
Right.
I'm not Catholic, so I won't be welcome in a convent, but perhaps I could join a monastery...? Shave my head instead of my legs - and let's be honest about that, ladies, it's getting to be winter and it's been awhile since there was even a ripple of a possibility of a reason for shaving - and I'd never have to decide what to wear in the morning, ever again.
Plus, I think orange is really my colour.
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